Suspiria (2018)

May 30, 2019

Fearter rating: 5/10

Want to know what living forever feels like? Watch this film, it feels like it goes on for eternity. 

 

Review (no spoilers)

Every story has a start, a middle and an end. This film did too but not necessarily in that order, and the middle was so long and boring it nearly ended me! 

 

To summarise one of the longest film experiences of my life (surpassed only by LOTR Return of the King’s endless supply of endings) - this film is about a girl who joins a dance school run by teachers who do some occult extra curricular activities. 

 

Starting with the good stuff - there are a couple of horror scenes which are well made and although not scary they are eye squintingly disturbing and memorable. Thom Yorke did the soundtrack so if you like Radiohead you might like the music in the film - or if you're like me you'll go "oh yeah, it does sound like Radiohead" and that'll be it.

 

Now what's not so good. the story is a bit all over the place and most of it is irrelevant. The first part of the film tells you exactly what's happening at the school for dance so there's no surprise there at all, and without that the film is very flat. The climax of the film is laughable - I won't give anything away but if keep Jabba the Hutt in mind when you watch it you'll see what I mean. 

 

My main problem with this film was how boring it was - long drawn out scenes of people dancing or jumping or watching people dance and jump. Over and over - mostly unnecessary. If you like dancing or artsy films then maybe you'll love this, but it wasn't for me. It also felt a bit like the Tilda Swinton show rather than a film, as she was in pretty much every scene doing multiple characters (very well in 2 out of 3 places - but come on, enough's enough). 

 

Anyway, you get the idea - it's long, arty and boring. I originally started these reviews so that people could see which films to watch and which to avoid, to save themselves time and long drawn out boredom. I have watched this film, so you don't have to.

 

You can thank me later. 

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