Fearter rating 6/10
More disappointing than Mother Theresa’s tax returns.
Review (no spoilers):
You wouldn’t believe how excited I was to see this film. The Nun character in Conjuring 2 scared me at the cinema, and then again numerous times at home. For someone who rarely gets his hopes up, having been beaten down by life’s constant annoyances, I was borderline giddy!
The advert for The Nun said it is “the darkest chapter in the Conjuring Universe”. Little did I know this must have been referring to the lighting.
From the get go I knew this film wasn’t what I was hoping for. Rather than a thoughtful, anticipation building approach (done so well in The Conjuring 1 and 2), it just went head first into monsters jumping out at people. For me, this ruins a horror film because the enjoyment comes from the unknown, the tension, the subtle supernatural. Even in this case, where we know the antagonist, we could have had some build up of atmosphere, tension and dread. But no, just jump scares, daft monsters, not scared anymore. Bored.
On top of this, the writing was atrocious. The Expendables 2 has a better script - well, almost. Cheesy one-liners that nearly made me shout “oh **** off!” aren’t going to make me like what should be a scary film. The Indiana Jones-y delivered “I’m French-Canadian” line was the final straw.
The film's obviously well made etc due to the huge budget. But I get the impression it is just a quickly made film, to con us cinema goers of our money as they milk the Conjuring cash-cow.
So if you want to see a film where the writer - or seemingly a group of pigeons pecking a keyboard - had one eye on a haunted house ride at Disney then this is for you. If, like me, you want to see a well thought out, interesting, scary, horror film which enhances a much loved character, then give this a miss. Unless you're bored, and it's free to watch.